Breaking News: Chromebook to receive 2019-2020 Teacher of the Year award

TOWAMENCIN – She recharges every night. She is in the living room, in the kitchen, in the classroom, in the car, in … your backpack. And now, she is finally getting the recognition she deserves. The NPHS SGA announced today, via a google meet, that the Chromebook has been named the 2019-2020 H. James Finnemeyer Teacher of the Year. 

So, yeah… the Chromebook kind of announced itself as the winner… sort of. 

In 1982 Time magazine named The Computer as its Person of the Year, and in 1988 The Endangered Earth got the same recognition. So, really it should come as no surprise that decades later NPHS has taken a similar path. 

“Usually we have students submit nomination letters, but with the unique circumstances right now, we decided on a slightly different approach this year,” explained SGA co-adviser Ms. Amy Young. “Mr. Berger came in second place, but second place is just the first loser, so… congrats to the Chromebook!” 

Most human teachers toil away for 35 years or more teaching generations of students, and most deal with the highly complex emotions of teenagers on a daily basis. So even though the Chromebook will probably be obsolete within 10 years, and it has professed to never deal with emotion, just data, it has certainly capitalized on its ephemeral moment in the sun. 

“sys1xRED<meme>#1b,” the Chromebook said in a comment using its native language. 

“I’m ok with this choice,” an anonymous NP parent said in an interview conducted six feet apart in an open air park this week. “Honestly, the Chromebook can do everything. I used to give my youngest son a pacifier when he wouldn’t shut up, but now I just use the Chromebook. It’s crazy it works that way for older kids too! I mean, what could possibly go wrong letting the Chromebook be the teacher and the parent? It’s so great!”

In 1985 the Apple II GS was in the conversation for this award since Number Munchers and Oregon Trail were teaching that generation of kids everything from division to dysentery, but their disks kind of flopped, and the award never came to be for that “teacher.”