Introducing Ask Shirley, the not so helpful advice column of the Knight Crier! Students can send in their questions for Shirley, and she’ll answer them with her strongest advice every week. No matter how silly or witty the question is, Shirley encourages all students to send them in. Send questions to [email protected] for the chance to see your question in next week’s column!

Dear Shirley, I’m having trouble getting out of the parking lot after school. Is there any easy way to do this?

This is a great question! No.

Dear Shirley, I’ve been having trouble figuring out what to dress in when K pod is 100 degrees, but B pod is 65. What do I wear so that I stay at a comfortable temperature all day?

I wonder if there’s some kind of article of clothing with sleeves that you can easily take on and off? Has that been invented yet? Let me know!

Dear Shirley, should I be concerned about being winded from going up a flight of stairs? I have a class in the third floor K pod, and I’m always panting after I get up the steps. 

Yes! You and the other thousand students that go up to K pod are always complaining about the stairs. 

Dear Shirley, I have aquatics class, but I’ve been struggling with getting the chlorine off, doing my hair, and getting dressed within seven minutes. What should I do?

Use the showerhead as a hairbrush and wear your clothes while you shower. It’ll save so much time!

Dear Shirley, whenever I walk into the bathroom, there’s always a huge group of girls hanging out in there. How do I avoid them?

Interesting question! The only way to avoid the groups is to hold your pee till you get home.