North Penn set to change mascot


The North Penn “Knight” is a revolutionary mascot, but sadly one that is outdated. We can’t keep pretending like we’re living in the past… Do knights even exist anymore? The North Penn School District has come to the executive decision that we are in need of a more modernized mascot to represent our district, and has declared that from now on we will be known as the “North Penn Football Team.”

In keeping with the sensitivities of modern times it it was just too risky to try implementing a new symbol or person as the new mascot. The decision to be known as the North Penn Football Team is a non-problematic, neutral way to refer to North Penn School District. It worked so well in Washington, so why not here?

“It was a unanimous decision to call ourselves the North Penn Football Team,” Sally Sanders, consultant, noted. “Being known as the Knights was just so unoriginal, and frankly way too old for our generation, not to mention the lack of gender consideration here”

Opposing sports teams will especially be confused by this name, so to clarify for example, instead of being known as North Penn Knights’ Soccer Team, they will now be called the North Penn Football Teams Soccer Team, The North Penn Football Team Softball Team, etc. Yes, it is a mouthful, but it is a necessary move to maintain peace among citizens in the district who may not support the change.

By the end of next week, April 8th, all Knight decorations throughout the school will be moved out and replaced with new gear, and the new logo designs will appear on all uniforms. The NPHS Fashion Design classes have stepped up to create new uniforms that will be available next week.