It’s okay not to be okay

The only way out is through.

Skyler Simpson

The only way out is through.

Multiple times this week, I’ve tried to sit down and write an article. I’ve opened my computer, logged onto Google, and began a blank document. However, nothing has come out. This isn’t for lack of ideas, as there’s really no such thing, but it’s because of my thought process.

Even seeing my computer from across the room is enough to send me into a tailspin of emotions. It reminds me of school, obviously, but it’s more than that. Every single day, I used to open it up and work on assignments in class, maybe playing Cool Math or Run 3 here and there. I used to look things up with my friends, check my grades, and apply for scholarships. It all just seems so meaningless now.

Everything I just listed are things I could do at any given moment. These are some of the few things that haven’t been taken away. And yet, I’ve begun to build up such a resentment around them because of our current situation.

Yesterday, it was announced that schools would be closed for the rest of the year. Upon finding that out, I was filled with such anger and frustration. “Why did it have to be my year?” I asked my mom. “Why did the class of 2020 have to go through this?” That’s the key question that I’ve heard so many people talk about endlessly. Instead of adopting a different perspective, some of us (myself very much included) have begun to wallow in our own self-pity. 

The truth is, there never is a “right” time for something like this to happen. It will always be an interference, no matter what anyone is going through at that particular time. If this happened during the summer, we’d complain about the last summer before college being ruined. If this happened later in the year, it would mess with our freshman year of college. The list just goes on and on.

We can’t control this virus. We can only do our part in stopping the spread. In the meantime, filling yourself to the brim with negativity is only going to make quarantine worse. In order to let out all this pent up anger, we have to acknowledge these feelings as they come to us. If you catch yourself thinking “Wow, this situation really sucks”, let yourself think that for a moment. Don’t push it away. Giving our emotions validity fosters a sense of comfort within us.

As my friend likes to say, it’s okay not to be okay. Feeling all these cruddy things is completely normal, and trust me, you aren’t alone. We’re all in this together (thank you, HSM). The only way to get out of this mess is to go through it, allow yourself to feel the way you do, and let it pass through your system. And someday, when this is all over, we’ll be able to look back on this time as a test to our strength – one that we passed with flying colors.