TOWAMENCIN – A breakthrough in modern day science has just been reached that thousands of middle-aged men across the world have been waiting for. In Mr. Christopher King’s third floor Kpod classroom, a breeding-ground for cutting-edge chemicals and compounds, a new solution has been discovered that can revolutionize the industry of cosmetology. And what is this new concoction?

It is a fast, effective, and 100% organically lab-grown hair growth formula that ensures long lasting results for middle aged men who suffer from hair loss. Mr. Christopher King is the main creator of the magical formula and accidentally stumbled upon the (as he puts it) simple process.

“I happened to be running a routine Bunsen-burner test the other day in my prep period and spilled a bit of potassium nitrate into an exothermically reacting Erlenmeyer flask of sodium bicarbonate and hydrofluoric acid. Well this simply set off a chain reaction of potent thermochemical decomposition that extracted both non-metals of sodium and fluorine from the two previously mentioned compounds, creating enough of an energy byproduct of Beta particles that it caused such a sublimation and radioactive effect in… (quote slightly abridged for reader’s attention) and finally caused the synthesis of these 8 and a half highly reactive organic and ionic compounds to bond into one, useful, hair growth formula. It was quite simple” he explained.

Once trying it out on himself first and seeing, well, effective results, he realized that his new formula could change the world as we know it. He has yet to name his soon to be patented concoction, but he is well on his way to international success.

***WARNING: Formula may cause white streaks and excessive growth in some cases; should not be used without poison control phone number in close proximity