I was in 7th grade when I first downloaded Instagram. We were still in the early stages of the lockdown, clutching to our toilet paper rolls and filling our days with Netflix and napping. After lots of begging, my mother had finally conceded and let me download that little app, my first true glimpse into social media and the so-called “real world.” Instantly opening a new world of possibilities, my fingers traced the screen, clicking on profiles, stories, uncensored images, uncensored reality. Endless pictures of girls, slim but curvy in all the right places, perfect shiny hair, full lips, long legs. It seemed like the more I scrolled, the more beautiful the girls would become. I wasn’t just looking at them. I was analyzing every detail of them. And I was comparing myself to them. 

According to the Royal Society for Public Health, social media platforms like Instagram, TikTok and Snapchat can have significant negative effects on teens’ self image, mental health, and anxiety. While this a broad spectrum of unhappy teens the most significant demographic is young girls, ages 11-15. It’s no secret that puberty and adolescence is a tough stage in life, and adding social media to the mix is only making things worse. 

I remember so vividly the difference between how I viewed myself in elementary school versus how I began to see myself in middle school. Suddenly all I could see was blemishes, imperfections, and flaws. I began to hate the shape of my nose, my awkward posture, my too thin lips, my not thin enough stomach, and my flat chest. Everything became a comparison game, an endless battle with myself where the more I looked in the mirror the less I liked what I saw. I quickly discovered photo editing apps like Facetune and Retouch, where I could seamlessly alter a picture of myself with the click of a button. This only made the issue worse. I could now look at a side by side of the person I was and the person I was “supposed” to be. It became too painful to see the differences between myself and these beautiful girls I saw online, so I eventually stopped looking at my own photos all together and concentrated all my attention on who I was going to become. 

On Instagram I found videos of how to eat less than 1000 calories a day (the average teenage girl should eat between 1,800 and 2,400) and how to track exactly how much each food item would cost me in weight. I no longer got excited about the idea of ice cream or candy, I kept a list of everything I would eat making sure each day it was less and less. I lost nearly 15 pounds which, for a growing 14 year old is quite noticeable and jarring. I stopped smiling in pictures, and became quieter and quieter in school. Everyday I wished that I would slip into a crack in the floor and vanish from the face of the earth. 

Like everything, social media obviously isn’t all bad. It’s not some evil monster under your bed, it can often be helpful and beautiful, a space to connect with loved ones and share memories. But without moderation, it can be harmful to your mental health. It took me a very long time to realize that I don’t have to look like every girl I see on the internet, and that I am growing at my own pace in a perfectly normal way. Once I learned how much of a facade most people’s social media lives are compared to their real ones, I was able to let go of so much of the resentment and jealousy I initially had towards others due to my own low self esteem. At the end of the day, it truly is all smoke and mirrors. 

I do still use Instagram, as well as several other platforms, but I try to manage how much time, energy, and effort I put into these accounts. And when I catch myself comparing or analyzing silly pictures, I have to remind myself that they are just that, silly. They are not a complete representation of who I am or who I will be. I am funny, intelligent, kind, empathetic, nurturing, and brave. I hope I am able to convey some of these characteristics via social media, but if other people don’t see that, it really doesn’t matter. I’m no longer going to base my self worth over likes and comments. 

I continue to worry about how our ever advancing technology and increasingly interwoven (and often misleading) digital identities will affect us in the future, as do many experts in the field. Now more than ever, parents should be monitoring their children’s use of electronics and look out for changes in behavior and attitude. We as a society need to be looking out for our youth, instead of normalizing the ridiculously unrealistic beauty standards that social media has created. We should constantly be educating ourselves and others on the dangers of the internet, while also trying to change the spaces into a more positive experience for all.