How to beat the winter blues: a complete guide

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Photo courtesy of AP Images

If the sidewalk in front of your house looks anything like this- you’ll want to follow this advice.

Kee Min, Staff Writer

Brace yourself, winter is here.

Every year, after alluring leaves depart our vibrant heaven that is autumn, it comes without fail.

The winter blues.

You can not fault the measly humans. After months of wondrous colors and pumpkin spices, we are greeted by dreadful trees and biting weather. How do you expect us to be peppy and merry when my backyard turns from a palette of dazzling colors to bare fields of Siberia? You can’t. The winter blues are inevitable. So the only question left is, how do you conquer the beast?

For starters, the weather is dreadful. There is nothing worse than squeezing on four layers before school only to take half of them off by second period. January is perhaps the only month which it is completely acceptable for your bedroom to be 43 degrees. It would be nice if I can feel my fingers when I wake up in the morning. The only people who would enjoy this kind of weather are New Englanders and cold-blooded animals, and I’m not even sure if they count as people. So I have devised a perfect plan to thwart the mother nature’s attempt to make our lives gray.

First you must find yourself some cozy blankets. I personally own three Costco blankets and I must say, they are worth the investment. So what do you do with your blankets? Sleep on them? You can, but that’s just limiting their full potential. Grabs some chairs, perhaps some hairpins, and you too can  construct your own blanket fort. Extra blankets and pillows are necessary to keep you as comfortable as possible. Cuddle bears are also required. When the construction is finished, you are legally obliged to name your fort.

Think you’re too “cool” and “mature” for blanket forts? Well, you’re probably wrong. But if you insist on avoiding such childhood nostalgia based on the fact that your ego is as huge as your hope for one snow day this winter, then I have another way to not slave through your miserable winter time. You can collect all your “cool” and “mature” friends and go spread some joy around the neighborhood with some good ol’ caroling. Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s January! But don’t let that stop you from finding your inner Mariah Carey. I am absolutely certain that there are still a few stubborn, lazy houses that insist on keeping their Christmas lights on until graduation in your neighborhood. That is your target. So tune up the band! This is perhaps the only time it is acceptable for you to knock on some stranger’s house and make (or ruin) their day with your best Michael Bublé impression.

I understand that not everyone is as artistically gifted as our North Penn High School Choir, yet there is still hope for you. If you are convinced that you are meant to stay backstage than on the main stage, you can show off your lip-syncing skills. Just act like you are having fun and no one will suspect anything. I also heard that the Chamber Singers are available to help out, at the right price, of course.

The final option only applies to seniors. All those who are already accepted to their colleges, those who think they can not endure another minute of math class, let alone five months, those who have surrendered to the senioritis, I have an answer for you. All you need is a snug cave, five months worth of food, and a bed. You are going into hibernation, my dear Class of 2016. With the school year basically over for us, it seems only reasonable to accept your well-earned rest. Chipotle is closing very soon (temporarily, I hope), and there is no better time to stock up on those E.coli-ridden-yet-oh-so-delicious Mexican dishes. Besides, what better way can you think of to recharge and make up for all the sleep you have lost last four years? Half of the seniors are already in mental hibernation. Might as well let your body rest too.

You don’t need to suffer through the winter blues by yourself. If you are feeling down, share with people. They say whenever you share something with anyone, it doubles. So go share your miserableness with the rest of the world. Why suffer by yourself, when you can make everyone miserable?