TOWAMENCIN – As a result of recent inexcusable behavior, two mothers have been banned from the North Penn High School Baseball fields, effective immediately.

While the season has yet to see its first game, two mothers who have been known recently to have engaged in inappropriate and lewd conduct on and around the baseball field at the Lansdale, PA high school, were officially banned yesterday, marking an unprecedented moment in North Penn’s athletic history. Citing loitering, criminal mischief, disorderly conduct, and littering among a long list of infractions, Mother Nature and Mother Goose have been informed by officials to stay far away from the North Penn High School baseball field.

“To be honest, most of the time these two mothers are perfectly harmless. But I must admit, when I saw what they’ve done to the fields recently, I was horrified, and I think this was certainly the right decision,” said Margrit Marino, a mother of a sophomore baseball player at North Penn.

“I mean, I know us mothers can be tough sometimes, but these two… yick! Inexcusable!” added Marino.

First year assistant coach Jamey Minnemeyer who is new to the high school coaching scene but played his high school ball at nearby Lansdale Catholic is stunned at these recent actions.

“Yeah, I was shocked when I saw what these two mothers did. I don’t ever remember anything this bad at LC. Well, there was that one mother who tried constantly to build cupboards in the dugout, which was just weird, but the Archdiocese put a stop to that real quick,” said an astonished Minnemeyer, usually cool and laid back in the eye of the storm.

With Mother Nature and Mother Goose almost single-handedly responsible for the delay in the 2015 baseball season, there is talk that the PIAA may in fact pursue further action against these two mothers in the near future. While they have no actual kids playing sports in North Penn, these two mothers evidently have some axe to grind, and further investigation is beginning to reveal their actions are being repeated all over the area as spring sports attempt to get their seasons underway.

North Penn assistant baseball coach John Pedrazzani has certainly seen enough.

“The Goose… I will tell you this. She is one tough mother! I mean, I’ve been around the game a long time, and I’ve seen some doozies, but you put these two together, and they are just flat out cold and disgusting. Have you seen what that Mother Goose has left all over the field? And Mother Nature! She just won’t let up. It is terrrrrible!” lamented Pedrazzani.

While district officials were unavailable for further comment, it is certain we have not seen the end of this Mother Goose fallout yet. And while Mother Nature has promised to mend her ways soon, no evidence of that is yet apparent. Aside from hissing and squawking, Mother Goose has offered no public comment.

“The boys just want to play, and for a mother, a mother for pete’s sake, to be so cold… I just don’t understand it,” reacted baseball parent Rosa Apple after hearing of the actions of Mother Nature.

For more updates and behind the scenes stories like this, be sure to check out www.knightcrier.org on April 1st.